Argo

A story too good (for Hollywood) to be true gets Afflecked

Argo is a movie about the rescuing of six hostages from an Iran that seemed really scary. The story is a real one in that it's true that there were six U.S. government employees hiding out in the Canadian Ambassador's Tehran home after the embassy was seized by rebels. It is also true that the CIA hatched a plan to extract the six that called for them to pose as movie makers from Hollywood. Furthermore, it's true that the Hollywood plan--Argo--worked. The public didn't know about the heist until Clinton used his POTUS letter opener to unseal the story--he thought Iran was less scary in the 90s. Ben Aflleck took the helm on this one. He also stared in it. Therefore, Argo is a movie about the rescuing of six hostages from an Iran that seemed really scary, but it's ultimately a movie about a story that has been "Afflecked" (to be pronounced in a loud, obnoxious Donald Duck voice ala Aflac commercials).

Ah-flek-t -
v. 1.) The means by which an event or narrative is infused with many moments of seriousness and emotive focusing and/or elaborating on the state of things.
v. 2.) To hijack a script/story for one's personal gain.
v. 3.) To stamp a film or script with the approval of Ben Affleck.
adj. 4) With an aura of sweeping earth shatter

When a story gets Afflecked a few things are going to happen. In the first place, Affleck, himself, has to be on the screen as much as possible. Nothing is truly Afflecked unless the experience of the recently Afflecked narrative hinges on several moments of Ben getting really serious. There will be a moment, undoubtedly, wherein, as a viewer, you need Ben to get the other characters over the hump and engaged with the rising or falling action. This is accomplished by Ben getting down to brass taxes. In this moment, Ben will turn off the charm, he'll forget about how tired he is, how down and out the prospects look. He'll pause, breath deeply, focus like a Zen master, and deliver a seamless summary of the options, no sugar coating. For instance:

Good Will Hunting -

The Town - "We lost our dog the year before and uh...I wanted to make these posters, in case my mother was lost someone could call us. Like the guy who found our dog. To this day my father will tell you he helped me make the posters, but he didn't. Sat in the kitchen drank a case of beer while I went up by myself on school street asking people if they'd seen my mother. Her name was Dorris. My grandmother had a place, it's a restaurant, 'Tangerine  Flower', so I used to imagine maybe that's where she went. Then I came to terms with the fact that it doesn't really matter. You know, where ever she went she had good reason to leave here. She didn't wanna be my mother anymore and she...she wasn't coming back. And now you know a little bit about my family, but I'm still not showing you my apartment."

Boiler Room:

Armageddon:

The Town (OK, just one more):

Pearl Harbor: "Loving you kept me alive."

The Company Men:

Chasing Amy:

As you can see when things are Afflecked they become so less 'bro' and all the more human. The condition that is a human one comes racing to the forefront and all that has been boilling up, with the help of an Afflecked dose of bravery and gall, billows over the top and we're left with an incredulous Ben staring into our soul. He's just so damn honest!

Argo is a really great movie. Thankfully, to be Afflecked no longer equates to rom-com level melo-drama. This movie is professional and hopeful. Undoubtedly Ben wrote in his moments but they're tame and necessary for the plot (unlike The Town). Take it as a feel good Hollywood ending without unnecessary Hollywood angst. Do your best to forget about all the aforementioned moments of movies being Afflecked and focus on the story as a fun, socio-political movie about a time when things were annoyingly serious. No doubt this was a rather horrific experience for many but for us it's a nice little Saturday. That's how Hollywood and Affleck would have it, right?