The Tourist - KDJ

I have absolutely no idea as to why Johnny Depp agreed to do this movie. The experience of watching it is confusing. I spent the entire movie waiting for Depp to vindicate himself - not his character either, like, himself, really. As the movie awkwardly transitioned from one cheesy scene to another, I wondered, is this why Depp never watches his own movies? for fear that one may actually, accidentally end up like this one? Towards the end of the movie, after having watched Angelina Jolie smugly strut for hundreds of yards at a time, for what seemed like an hour total, I wanted to grab Depp by the shoulders and give him a talking to; "Dude, Depp, you are Edward Scissor Hands, and Gilbert Grape, and the dude that was brave enough to make a Sweeney Todd movie, you are Sands, Mort Rainey, you are George Jung, you are Roux, and Ichabod Crane, Raoul Duke, and Donnie Brasco, you are the freakin Libertine. You are not the freaking Tourist!" Maybe it was Jolie bringing him down. Maybe she is so good looking that she is destined to fail in every movie she ever makes. Maybe she will always be more good looking than the movie is good. Maybe, since Tim Burton didn't make it, there was too much light on Depp. Maybe if they would have dimmed the lights in every scene and given him a weird quirk to do the movie would have convinced. But they didn't. And Jolie, as mentioned, strutted as a Samford Seductress might, and there were entirely too many lights turned on. In the end, I'm afraid Depp needed a down payment on his new Vineyard, which probably isn't cheap. So, he made a movie that paid well, spent a fortune, and achieved only awkward, cheap thrills. If you must see Depp, as some must, wait a few weeks and Blockbuster will have about 400,000 returned copies in the post-Christmas buy back stacks.